Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office by Lois P. Frankel

The Cost of “Being Nice”

In Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, executive coach Lois P. Frankel identifies 101 unconscious mistakes that women often make in the workplace—subtle behaviors shaped by societal norms and early socialization that can stunt career growth. With deep insight, humor, and decades of experience coaching women in leadership, Frankel dismantles the myth that simply working hard and being nice will get women ahead. Instead, she outlines practical steps for transforming self-sabotaging habits into empowering strategies for success.

The book is structured into seven main categories of mistakes, with each offering detailed explanations and corrective coaching tips. Below is an in-depth exploration of each category.

1. How You Play the Game

Women are often socialized to be cooperative, fair, and rule-following—traits that may be praised in school but can be liabilities in the competitive arena of business.

Key Mistakes:

• #1: Pretending It Isn’t a Game
  Believing that merit alone will drive success ignores office politics and strategy. Frankel stresses the importance of understanding organizational dynamics.
• #3: Working Harder Than You Need To
  Many women equate busyness with worthiness. But being overextended can signal poor time management rather than commitment.
• #6: Polling Before a Decision
  Seeking excessive consensus diminishes authority. Leaders must own their decisions.

Coaching Tips:

• Observe how power and influence are navigated in your workplace.
• Play strategically, not manipulatively—develop allies, understand timing, and position yourself for visibility.

2. How You Act

Body language and presence matter just as much as what you say. Many women unknowingly diminish themselves through non-verbal signals or passive behavior.

Key Mistakes:

• #14: Smiling Inappropriately
  Smiling when delivering serious information or in tense negotiations can undercut your credibility.
• #19: Sitting on the Sidelines
  Avoiding the front row, staying quiet in meetings, or letting others lead discussions implies you’re not fully engaged or ready to lead.
• #25: Dressing Inappropriately
  Under- or over-dressing can send the wrong message. Dress for the job you want, not the one you have.

Coaching Tips:

• Practice “power poses” to boost confidence.
• Observe and emulate the posture and energy of successful colleagues.
• Make deliberate, confident gestures.

3. How You Think

Thought patterns influence behavior. Many women hold internal beliefs that stifle ambition or reinforce limitations.

Key Mistakes:

• #31: Minimizing Your Work or Title
  Describing your work as “just admin” or “not that important” reinforces others’ undervaluation of your role.
• #36: Thinking Like an Employee, Not a Leader
  Employees wait for direction; leaders anticipate needs, initiate solutions, and think strategically.
• #38: Avoiding Office Politics
  Seeing politics as inherently negative causes women to miss out on opportunities to build influence and networks.

Coaching Tips:

• Reframe your internal dialogue to reflect confidence and leadership.
• Practice articulating your achievements and value.
• Learn to navigate and leverage office politics ethically.

4. How You Brand and Market Yourself

In business, perception matters. Frankel emphasizes the need to manage your personal brand with intention.

Key Mistakes:

• #43: Failing to Define Your Brand
  If you don’t control your image, others will define it for you—possibly in ways that limit you.
• #46: Using Inappropriate Humor
  Self-deprecating jokes can subtly suggest incompetence.
• #48: Waiting to Be Noticed
  Hard work alone isn’t enough. Visibility is critical for advancement.

Coaching Tips:

• Craft a clear professional brand: what are your values, strengths, and unique selling points?
• Develop an elevator pitch.
• Seek opportunities to showcase your skills—present at meetings, write reports, and volunteer for high-visibility projects.

5. How You Sound

Your words and voice can either reinforce or undermine your authority. Frankel examines common verbal habits that weaken impact.

Key Mistakes:

• #54: Couching Statements as Questions
  Saying, “I think we might want to consider…” rather than “I recommend we…” projects uncertainty.
• #58: Apologizing Excessively
  Women often say “sorry” when no offense has occurred, subtly placing themselves in a subordinate position.
• #60: Using Weasel Words
  Phrases like “kind of,” “sort of,” or “maybe” dilute the message and make you seem unsure.

Coaching Tips:

• Speak with conviction. Practice stating opinions firmly.
• Eliminate unnecessary qualifiers from your vocabulary.
• Record and listen to your voice in meetings to identify weak spots.

6. How You Look

Appearance is a form of communication. This category is less about vanity and more about how dress and grooming influence perception.

Key Mistakes:

• #66: Wearing the Wrong Hairstyle
  Outdated or unkempt hairstyles can unintentionally signal resistance to change or lack of professionalism.
• #69: Ignoring Grooming and Makeup
  Presenting yourself with care shows self-respect and awareness of professional norms.
• #70: Dressing Like a Girl, Not a Woman
  Avoid frilly or childlike fashion that may not align with an executive image.

Coaching Tips:

• Choose clothing that aligns with industry standards while still expressing individuality.
• Seek professional advice if unsure about style or grooming.
• Remember that clothes should support—not distract from—your competence.

7. How You Respond

Reactions to feedback, conflict, and pressure define leadership presence. Women often struggle with assertiveness, feedback, and setting boundaries.

Key Mistakes:

• #75: Avoiding Difficult Conversations
  Dodging tough issues may seem polite but ultimately weakens trust and effectiveness.
• #77: Taking Full Responsibility
  Women are quick to claim blame, even for things beyond their control.
• #80: Being Too Accessible
  Constantly making yourself available sends the message that your time isn’t valuable.
• #89: Tolerating Bad Behavior
  Letting others disrespect or interrupt you sets a precedent that can damage credibility.

Coaching Tips:

• Practice assertive language: direct, respectful, and firm.
• Set clear boundaries around time and workload.
• Use “I” statements to express needs and resolve conflict.

The Psychological Roots of “Nice Girl” Behavior

Frankel doesn’t just point out bad habits—she digs into the psychological conditioning behind them. From a young age, girls are taught to be polite, accommodating, and helpful. While these traits are valued socially, they can become liabilities in competitive professional environments that reward boldness, visibility, and decisiveness.

Key Influences:

• Parental Conditioning: Girls are praised for being quiet and cooperative, while boys are encouraged to be adventurous and assertive.
• Cultural Expectations: Women are often criticized for being too aggressive, yet penalized for being too soft.
• Internalized Beliefs: “I shouldn’t ask for more,” “If I work hard, I’ll be rewarded,” or “I don’t want to seem arrogant” are deeply embedded narratives.

Frankel urges women to rewrite these mental scripts—not by becoming ruthless, but by embracing their full potential unapologetically.

Transformation: From Nice Girl to Empowered Woman

Frankel’s goal isn’t to strip women of their authenticity. It’s to empower them to stop unconsciously undermining themselves. That means shifting from:

She encourages women to think like leaders, act with confidence, speak with clarity, and take credit where it’s due.

Practical Tools and Assessment

At the beginning of the book, Frankel offers a self-assessment quiz. Readers rate themselves on the 101 mistakes to identify which areas need the most attention. This personalized approach helps women prioritize their development goals.

The book also includes:

• “Coaching Tips” for every mistake: Direct, actionable guidance to change behavior.
• Real-life examples: Stories from clients who overcame these habits.
• Exercises and scripts: To practice assertive language and strategic thinking.

Conclusion: Rewriting the Rules Without Losing Yourself

Lois Frankel’s Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office is not a rejection of kindness—it’s a call to stop equating kindness with self-erasure. Women can still be warm, ethical, and compassionate—and also confident, ambitious, and powerful.

Success, she reminds us, doesn’t require losing your soul. But it does demand shedding self-sabotaging habits that, while socially reinforced, no longer serve the modern woman. The corner office isn’t reserved for those who wait quietly to be noticed. It’s earned by those who claim it—smartly, boldly, and without apology.