Seven practical ways to self-confidence by Lilly Ann Water Summary

Lilly Ann Water’s Seven Practical Ways to Self-Confidence is a concise yet powerful manual for anyone struggling with low self-esteem or insecurity. With a tone that’s both compassionate and encouraging, the book doesn’t just define confidence—it teaches you how to build it from the ground up. Water doesn’t deal in fluff or empty affirmations. Instead, she provides grounded, actionable steps that anyone can apply, regardless of age, background, or experience.

This summary breaks down the core philosophy of the book, explores each of the seven practical strategies in detail, and shares transformative insights and quotes to help you internalize the lessons.

Understanding Self-Confidence

Before diving into the seven strategies, Water begins by answering a foundational question: What is self-confidence, really?

Contrary to popular belief, self-confidence is not arrogance, bravado, or faking it till you make it. It’s the quiet, unshakeable belief that you are enough—that you can handle life’s challenges, make decisions for yourself, and grow stronger through failure.

“Self-confidence is not about knowing you will never fall. It’s about trusting that you’ll rise every time you do.”

According to Water, confidence isn’t a trait you’re born with—it’s a skill. Like playing an instrument or learning a new language, it takes practice, patience, and persistence. And thankfully, there are practical ways to start building it today.

1. Know Yourself Deeply

Key Message: You can’t be confident in who you are if you don’t know who you are.

Self-awareness is the foundation of all self-confidence. Without understanding your values, strengths, weaknesses, desires, and fears, you’re like a ship without a compass. Water encourages the reader to spend quality time exploring their inner world.

Practical Steps:

• Journaling: Ask yourself powerful questions like: “What makes me feel alive?”, “What do I avoid and why?”, “When do I feel most like myself?”
• Personality tests and reflections: Tools like the Enneagram or MBTI can help kickstart introspection.
• Mirror work: Look into your own eyes daily and speak honestly to yourself. This can be uncomfortable at first but builds intimacy with your inner self.

“Confidence isn’t about wearing a mask. It’s about having nothing to hide.”

Self-knowledge allows you to stop comparing yourself to others and start honoring your own path.

2. Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Love

Key Message: If you spoke to others the way you speak to yourself, would they stay?

Our internal dialogue either builds us or breaks us. Water emphasizes that the voice in your head has tremendous power—it can sabotage your efforts or become your greatest cheerleader.

Practical Steps:

• Affirmation with context: Rather than vague statements like “I’m amazing,” try, “I handled that meeting really well today. I’m learning to be more articulate.”
• Catch your inner critic: Notice when you say things like “I’m so stupid” or “I can’t do anything right.” Pause and reframe.
• Compassionate self-talk: When you make a mistake, ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”

“You cannot bully yourself into confidence. But you can love yourself into courage.”

The way we talk to ourselves becomes our reality. Words are seeds—and they grow into beliefs.

3. Dress the Part, Act the Part

Key Message: How you present yourself influences how you feel and how others perceive you.

While confidence is internal, it’s also expressed externally. Water makes it clear that confidence isn’t about vanity or being perfectly groomed—it’s about alignment. When your outward appearance reflects your inner worth, you naturally feel more powerful.

Practical Steps:

• Dress intentionally: Choose clothes that make you feel competent, comfortable, and aligned with how you want to be seen.
• Mind your posture: Stand tall, shoulders back, eyes forward. Body language affects your mood.
• Speak with clarity: Avoid filler words, speak slightly slower, and own your voice.

“Sometimes the smallest outer shift—a new blazer, a bold lipstick, a straight spine—can lead to a massive inner shift.”

The message here isn’t to be fake, but to show up as if you believe in yourself. Over time, your actions teach your brain that you’re capable.

4. Embrace Failure as a Teacher

Key Message: Confidence grows not despite failure, but because of it.

Fear of failure is one of the biggest confidence killers. But Water argues that failure isn’t the opposite of success—it’s part of the path. Every time you try and fall short, you gain data, strength, and resilience.

Practical Steps:

• Redefine failure: Instead of asking “Did I win or lose?” ask “What did I learn?”
• Reflect, don’t ruminate: After a setback, write down what went wrong, what went right, and what you’ll try next time.
• Celebrate effort, not just outcome: Confidence grows when you honor the process.

“Failing does not make you a failure. Quitting your growth does.”

In short, each failure is a confidence-building opportunity if you’re willing to stay in the game.

5. Surround Yourself with Support

Key Message: Confidence thrives in healthy, supportive environments.

Who you surround yourself with either builds your belief or chips away at it. Water advises a ruthless audit of your social circle. If you’re constantly around people who judge, compete, or discourage you, your confidence will wither. But if you’re around people who reflect your strengths and encourage your growth, it will blossom.

Practical Steps:

• Seek out expanders: These are people who are already doing what you want to do. They inspire, not intimidate.
• Set boundaries: Learn to say no to people or environments that drain your energy.
• Join like-minded communities: Whether it’s a book club, fitness class, or mastermind group, being part of a tribe helps you stay motivated.

“You don’t have to do it alone. Confidence isn’t solitary—it’s contagious.”

Confidence is a social emotion. You’ll develop it faster when you’re seen and supported.

6. Take Consistent, Courageous Action

Key Message: Confidence is a by-product of doing hard things, not waiting to feel ready.

Water introduces a powerful principle: Action precedes confidence. We often believe we must feel confident before we act, but that’s backward. Action creates the feeling. Every time you stretch outside your comfort zone, even in tiny ways, you send yourself a message: “I can do hard things.”

Practical Steps:

• Use the “5-second rule”: Count 5-4-3-2-1 and move. Don’t let fear have time to argue.
• Break goals into micro-steps: Don’t aim to write a book. Aim to write one paragraph today.
• Track your wins: Keep a “Confidence Journal” where you record every courageous thing you do, no matter how small.

“Every small act of courage is a brick in the foundation of self-confidence.”

Inaction breeds self-doubt. Action breeds momentum.

7. Practice Daily Confidence Rituals

Key Message: Confidence isn’t a one-time event. It’s a daily discipline.

Just like physical fitness, self-confidence must be maintained with regular effort. Water recommends creating morning or evening rituals that reinforce your sense of personal power.

Practical Steps:

• Morning mantra practice: Start each day by reading or repeating empowering beliefs.
• Visualization: Picture yourself succeeding. See it, feel it, believe it.
• Gratitude: End each day by listing three things you’re proud of.

“Confidence is a muscle. You must train it daily, or it weakens.”

The power lies in repetition. When your rituals are in place, your confidence becomes steady—even when life gets turbulent.

Final Takeaways: The Real Secret to Confidence

Lilly Ann Water leaves readers with a liberating truth: you don’t need to become confident—you just need to uncover the confidence that’s already inside you.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about progress. It’s about choosing to show up every day—messy, imperfect, scared—and doing it anyway.

Some closing insights from the book:

• Confidence isn’t linear. You’ll have good days and bad days. That’s normal.
• You don’t need to feel confident in every area of your life. Start where it matters most.
• Confidence is deeply connected to authenticity. The more you you become, the more confident you’ll feel.

“You are not behind. You are not broken. You are not less than. You are becoming.”

Ultimately, Seven Practical Ways to Self-Confidence is not just a guide—it’s a mindset shift. It teaches you that confidence is not something bestowed on the lucky few. It’s something you build—one choice, one habit, one brave moment at a time.

Summary of the Seven Practical Ways

1. Know Yourself Deeply – Self-awareness is the starting line.
2. Talk to Yourself with Love – Your inner voice shapes your outer reality.
3. Dress and Carry Yourself With Intent – How you show up changes how you feel.
4. Embrace Failure – Let setbacks refine you, not define you.
5. Build a Confidence-Boosting Environment – Your tribe affects your vibe.
6. Act Before You’re Ready – Action builds belief.
7. Develop Daily Confidence Rituals – What you repeat, you become.

This book is an empowering toolkit for anyone tired of living small or feeling stuck. Through its seven practical strategies, Lilly Ann Water gives you not just the hope of confidence—but the steps to get there.